Johnson is offended and tells you that you can’t criticise Duchamp because all his works are blue-chip classics, and simultaneously function as the foundation stones of artistic modernism. You order another double espresso and tell Johnson to chill out, because if Duchamp were around today he’d agree with you. Then you placate the critic by offering to show him some interesting sex imagery on the web. Johnson hands over his laptop, which is his first mistake, and you go to Flickr. At first Johnson isn’t impressed but when you show him Flickr groups like ‘Public Nudity’, ‘Nude Insider’ and ‘Nude Photographer, Nude Models Contacts’ he changes his tune. Of course you save the best until last, so when you introduce Johnson to the Flickr group ‘Sex Contacts UK’ he is virtually coming in his pants. This group is dominated by horny transsexuals who just love to suck cock, and is a wet dream to the Art Vibe! Critic. Whilst you’re at it, you click through to a scam site and infect Johnson’s computer with viruses that will cause his computer to spew forth penis enlargement spam. Then you make your excuses and leave ….