Anyway, that day, Plum was out of town and I was feeling bored. I was mooching along the riverbank, thinking about this and that, for example, Plum and the Tara. A few weeks had passed but one thing hadn’t changed: when I fucked Plum, all I could think of was the Tara statuette. Before that, all my fantasies had been about women you had sex with once and then forgot, a different one every time, but now it was the Tara or nothing. I couldn’t get it up for Plum anymore, only for the Bodhisattva. I had to imagine I was having sex with the goddess just so I could make Plum believe it was all for her...
So why was I feeling so pissed off? The trouble was I didn’t like what I was doing, I really didn’t. I was deceiving Plum and offending the Tara. On the surface, I was living the good life, but inside I felt like I was condemned to wander for ever in the lower realms of samsara.