Is it an obsession? Yes, it is clearly an obsession. But not only that, she thinks. It's a rapture, a metamorphosis, a radical transformation of the predictable. What was once outside, distant on the horizon, invisible and uninteresting, is now inside of her, inhabiting her, wracking her.

Hierarchies have changed. Everything is in disarray.

In order to explain it, she has to blame something outside herself, and external force. That first day, the day they made their strange pact, Andreas injected her with his poison. Yes, that was it. Nat had been unaware of his ploy, but when she dressed and left his house, she was already carrying it inside of her. The poison had continued to spread through her veins, flooding her with its dangerous effects. From that first day on, stripped of her will, she had no choice but to return: poison needs more poison, there is no antidote. She didn't choose Andreas, she didn't seek him out: he inflicted himself on her. She should resist, but it's impossible to fight: she's trapped. That's how she sees him now. It's her interpretation, a childish, magical interpretation- she is well aware of its flimsiness- but it is also tremendously useful for giving in.

Why resist? she asks herself. What does she gain? What is she going to lose?

She decides to go back again. And again. And again. The film reel grows, gets longer. It is never enough.