Sometimes I became tense with worry that I blurt it out, summon up courage to ask him on the way out of a lesson. It would take one moment to say it. 'There's something I want to ask you. I've noticed that you never mention girls the way most men here do, and you never look behind at a woman who passes on the street, and there is something I've wanted to ask you, you may guess what it is ... Do you understand? Entendes?' And of he had said yes, perhaps I would not have wanted him as much as I did in this twilight time when I taught him English and did not know about him. Maybe I wanted whatever part of him was unavailable. Maybe if he had understood I would have despised him.