I look at my nails in the harsh bathroom light. The scare will appear as a ripple at the base. It will take a couple of weeks to see.
I lock the door and run a tub of water.
Most of the time you don't really hear it. A pulse is a thing you feel. Even if you are somewhat quiet. Sometimes you hear it through the pillow at night. But I know that there is a place where you can hear it even better than that.
Here is what you do. You ease yourself into a tub of water, you ease yourself down. You lie back and wait for ripples to smooth away. Then you take a deep breath, and slide your head under, and listen for the playfulness of your heart.